Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
