there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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