I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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