Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
