please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wear drunk well.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
