i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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