thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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