we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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