i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
