Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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