For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
