I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
