i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
