Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
