I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
