You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
