it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
