im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
