You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
a search helicopter?!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
