Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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