it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
