she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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