I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
