I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
