I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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