You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
