You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
