just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
