I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
