drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
