Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The uberlube is also flammable
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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