Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
