He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
