just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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