so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
