It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
