i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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