Umm I'm too high to move.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
