You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
