If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
