just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize