My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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