he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
