this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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