um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
