Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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