Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
