Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
