Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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