I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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