Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Shame - the story of my life.
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