Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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