Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize