They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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