Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize