I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize