Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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