So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
