I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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