you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We have started to decorate penises.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
