mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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