I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
