Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
