Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
