Sry I called you an 8
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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