ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
