my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We’re leaving where are you
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