were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
