the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
