i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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